Wishes
by Razzbairee
Summary: Jann Lee didn't realize what she meant. He didn't stop her as she left. He didn't realize he would regret it. --ONE SHOT--


Disclaimer:  I do not own DOA.

Jann Lee's POV.  Enjoy!

Wishes

I'm pretty pathetic I have to say.  What kind of person watches from afar, wishing they were by that person's side?  A stalker?  Maybe.  But I don't consider myself that kind of person; I know my limits.  I respect her space.  But it's like she'll even know.  She probably forgot about me.  I wouldn't get mad and throw a fit if she did.  We hadn't made contact with each other in so long.  And it's been nagging at me for years, every time I look at her.  The regret is sometimes too much.  I can't believe I even shed a single tear for her.  I pushed her away.  I lost her forever.__

I will never, ever forget that day.  I stood proudly above her while she sat in her defeat.  It was just one of the many times that I defeated her.  She was weak in my eyes.  A simple woman just like the rest that actually believed they had a chance at beating a fighter like me.  I crushed everyone and everything . . . and even her spirit.  But I was satisfied and at that moment, that was all that mattered.  But what mattered to her wasn't her defeat.  It was the fact that I was so oblivious to her true feelings of me.  She had grabbed at my pants, saying a bunch of gibberish and I had pulled away from her, surprised by her sudden action.  Then she just sat there with her head low.  And I stood there with the look of confusion on my face.  I had never seen her act that way before.

Then her last few words slipped through my ears, "I have feelings for you, Jann."

I didn't know what she meant by that.  She was sad I could tell, but the pieces just didn't fit.  Out of all the things to say to me at that point in time, she said those words.  And I stood, waiting for her to continue so I could at least get an understanding of the situation.  But she didn't.  She sniffed and I had thought she was going to cry.  But a drop of blood fell on the grass.  No tears . . .

I didn't realize what I had done wrong until she finally lifted herself up off the grass after sitting there for an eternity.  What I had done wrong was nothing.  I had done nothing at all from hearing those words.  She didn't let me see her face.  She went away, leaving me there in the middle of the plain, confused as ever.

And as I watch her now, she seems untouchable.  Her aura basks in light and mine lurks in darkness.  She is happy now.  And I am not.__

She's at the perfume stand, looking at the many bottles of perfume.  Her hair is shorter now.  The ends just slide against her cheeks.  And of coarse her eyes are still as big and brown as ever.  She hasn't changed after all these years.  Still smiling and still laughing.  But now her smile is more content.  She should be.  She is married to a wealthy man and has two energetic kids, a boy and a girl.  The boy is always picking at the girl, pulling her hair, hiding her dolls, scaring her with plastic bugs.  And every time, Leifang would scowl him and tell him to stop sometimes giving the brat a good whack on the hand.  And I sigh as I watch them approach her from the game store across the street.  And I wish they were ours.  What I wouldn't give to have a piece of myself to pass down into generations to come.__

They are leaving now.  A car has pulled up near the curb and she's escorting her kids inside.  Then she moves towards the other side of the car, placing her hand on the knob before she stops.  She's looking at me and it seems like time stands still.  Her eyes fixated in my direction.  I can't stop from getting ecstatic to know that she's actually paying me any mind.  But that damn husband of hers -whose head I can see in the front seat- must have told her to get in the car, because she abruptly turns her head in his direction then gets inside.

I get angry as I watch her go.  I should have said something or waved at least!  I knew she was looking right at me, but did she even recognize me?  I was probably too far away.  Maybe she thought I was just some random person staring at her.  I need to tell her.  I need to remind her who I am.  It's not like I don't know where she lives.__

I quickly catch a cab to take me towards her neighborhood.  I get out and walk the rest of the way.  And the whole way, I think about how I was going to explain myself.  Blurting myself out loud would definitely surprise her and she would probably think I was some sort of a psycho.  But seeing her after so long would probably falter my words.  I probably wouldn't say anything at all.  And if I did, what was I suppose to do?  Maybe I would be in luck and she would speak for me.  She'd welcome me with open arms, escort me to the living room and then blabber about old times . . . and how I abandoned her . . .

The photos and posters are just about the only things I have that remind me of her.  I have posters advertising the Dead or Alive Tournament, the tournament me and Leifang fought alongside in and the tournament where I defeated her many times before.  And the photos were taken by many people reporting the tournament.  They had taken photos of all of the fighters and most of the time, without their consent.  I have a couple with Leifang posing for the cameras.  She was always up for it.  Not me.  Flashing lights in my face, distracting me every single minute; I couldn't take it.  I even remember her dragging me aside her in a photo.  Her small hand had wrapped my arm, pulling me then intertwining my arm with hers.  And of coarse that big smile on her face.  I didn't like that at all.  It was too awkward.

But if I were to go back to that moment in time, I wouldn't have minded.  I wouldn't have shuffled around childishly on my feet and I wouldn't have sighed in annoyance.__

I'm at the front of her house now.  It's a big house with a wide yard and an iron gate alongside stone walls to keep trespassers out.  The car is parked in the driveway.  They must have just recently arrived.  And here I am, staring from the only thing keeping me from her:  the gate.  I realize how nervous I am.  Sweat is slipping down my forehead and my hands seem to grip the gate and twist all on their own.  I wonder what she would think of me.  The years have come and gone.  I look different from the last time she's seen me.  I probably look a mess.  Brown jacket and blue jeans . . . And I'm not as clean-cut as I use to be.  I guess I grew sort of lazy, not bothering to shave when I needed to.  Definitely won't impress her.  Well, compared to her husband that is.

Something's creeping towards me from the other side of the gate.  I get ready to make a break for it, but then I hear a boy making a weird noise like an airplane, then an explosion . . . then some guy dying in agony . . . He must watch a lot of movies.  Obviously, it's Leifang's kid.  And he creeps into view from behind the stone wall, laying his eyes on me.  He freezes, staring at me and I stare at him.  From the look on his face, he seems afraid of me.  I was thinking about leaving as quickly as possible just in case he runs off to tell his parents about me.  But I couldn't see Leifang if the gate isn't opened.

I crouch down and motion for him to come closer and surprisingly, he does.  The next thing I know, he's pulling me at a fast pace towards the doorstep of the house.  My heart is beating so quickly.  I see the curtains behind one of the windows move.  Someone must have seen us coming.  The boy abruptly stops and let go of my hand when the front door flies open.  I stop also to see her rush through the front door.  This is the closest I've ever been to her.  Her face seems to flush and her eyes seem to brighten.  She definitely hadn't changed at all over the years like I have.__

But the moment is ruined when she calls out for the boy in hysteria and then calls out for someone else when he is safely in her arms.  She thinks that I would hurt her and her child.  Am I _that_ unrecognizable?  Do I look _that_ terrible?

I tell her that it is me, her friend and partner for three years.  And I quickly show her my hands up to prove I had nothing to harm her or the kid.  She turns back towards me from the doorway.  Her eyes are wide in shock.  She sets the boy down and he moves off towards the doorway to watch us.  By this time, she is slowly moving towards me with a shocked look on her and her head titled to the side.  I must look really different through her eyes.  But at least she recognizes me.__

She's right in front of me now.  A confused smile is on her face as she gazes up into my eyes.  She's probably wondering how I got this way or how long it has been since we were last face to face.  And then she reaches up.   Her hand touches my face, my cheek, my nose, my lips, my chin.  I hide it inside.  I hide the urge to immediately embrace her.  She's finally looking upon me as a long, lost friend instead of some random person amongst the crowd.  She can see me again.

She's asking how long has it been.  She believes it has been at least seven years.  But I correct her, telling her it has been a decade.  Her hands cover her mouth in disbelief.  She had completely forgotten about me.  But she embraces me nonetheless.  Her tiny figure presses against mine and her arms wrap around my waist.  My arms hug her shoulders, bringing her closer to me; closer to my heart.  And as quickly as she hugs me, she releases me and utters my name.

That's who I am, isn't it?

She tells me that I've never hugged her before.  Just one of those things that I wish she had forgotten; how cruel and self-centered I was.  Funny how a person never realizes what they have until it's gone.  I've realized this a long time ago.  And I was going to tell her so.  I cup her face in my hands and look deep into those big, brown eyes of hers.  I want to see inside her soul and I want her to see inside mine also.  If it was going to be told then it was going to be told right.

But I can't say it.  I see too much.  I see how much better her life is without me.  As I watched over her for the past decade, I only wished the best upon her.  Telling her something I should have told her years ago isn't going to help make her life better . . .  But it will help _me_.  I would be able to go home and sleep in my bed, knowing she finally knows the truth about me.  And if she still holds those feelings for me that she held that day a decade ago then it would be what she wants of me also.

I open my mouth to speak and she rests her hands on mine, waiting for me to speak; waiting for me to say something, _anything!_  And then I tell her.  I tell her that I love her, that I wish we were married, that I wish I could wake up every morning to she her sound asleep beside me, that I wish we had arguments that ended up with us in each other's arms, that I wish she would love me back.  I pour my heart, soul and desire into words for her and only her to hear and understand.  And in response, she says nothing.  Her mouth hangs open and her eyes are wide.  They look away.  I know that it is too much to ask of her and that it's too late, but I said what needed to be said all those years ago.

She is crying; her tears are running down my hands.  She tells me that that was the nicest thing I had ever said to her.  She definitely hadn't forgotten what a jerk I was.  And then finally, she closes her eyes and tells me what I want to hear, what I longed to hear for years.

"I love you, too, Jann Lee," she says in choked sobs.

There was hope after all.  After all the wishing, there was hope.  I smile as she looks up into my eyes.

"Always had and always will," she says.

She reaches up and grabs a hold of my chin to place a small kiss on my cheek.  I close my eyes at the touch of her lips on my skin.  But then she releases me as I stood in that state of bliss.  I open my eyes to see her standing before of me with what I can see as regret in her eyes.  She tells me the utter truth:  that we couldn't be together, that she had a family to look after, that I would just get in the way.  I want to cover my ears.  I want to pretend I didn't hear it.  I want her to say what I want to hear, what I _need_ to hear.  But it doesn't happen.

There is no point in being here.  I can't stand to look at someone I abandoned and will never have.  So I turn.  I walk away from her house, I walk away from her car, I walk away from her boy, and I walk away from her.  She's yelling after me, asking me where I'm going off to, but I don't answer her.  I said all I needed to say.  That was all that mattered.  I can't rewind time ten years ago.  I can't stop what came and gone.

I pushed her away.  I lost her forever.__


End file.
